Pulmonary Pizza

Cheezies pizza is delicious, what isn't so delicious is sacrificing it to the porcelain god. Normally pizza doesn't make me puke, but the combination of pizza and working out right afterward probably contributed to this event. hmmm, porcelain god....why? is it because we bow down before it when we puke? if it's a god then why do we give it offerings of another kind whilst sitting upon it's mouth while not wearing pants. If I die i really hope that I don't get that job in heaven, this is how it would probably go. *Gods voice* Stephen! you have failed me, unfortunatley you believed in me so I can't send you to hell, instead i'm going to make you a God! *me* YESSSSS!!!! SWEET!!! WOOOHOOO!!! so do I get to be Thor? Hercules? Odin? Ra? *God* nope, you get to be the porcelain god. heh heh heh. *me* crap. (literally). on a different note, what would life be like without us having to breathe. Because personally i think that would com in really handy in public restrooms, and underwater, and in space. Actually now that i think about it breathing is dumb. what is the point anyways? if evolution was true then clearly we wouldn't have to suck oxygen down our throats every 10-15 seconds. stupid air. well that's it, talk to ya later y'all. yes I just said it.

Canadian Cooties

Well it's official, I'm now back in college, learning new(ish) things, making new friends and striking out with girls. Although that last one is only partially true since you have to actually talk to girls to strike out with them. Darn cooties. Anyways, right now i'm sitting next to a red-haired guy who is watching family guy. That show is a little odd, 'Family guy'?!? that man is the most anti -family i've ever seen. the only thing keeping that family together is the high ratings and viewer satisfaction that it achieves season after season. Why is it called a season? seasons involve weather and don't take random breaks. Television shows take multiple mid-season breaks. what the heck?! If summer took a mid-season break and let winter come in for a short two week period in July I think that Al Gore and his 'Global Warming" advocates would have a massive 'I told you so' party. I wonder what Al is short for....Alfred.....Albert....Alberta? Nah probably not that, since alberta is a place in Canadia. Which by the way offers nothing good to society. Exhibit A. Justin Beiber. Only Canada could produce a 'boy' who remains pre pubescent well into the age of chest hair and a baritone voice. But i digress, as always. The End. Until next time.

Leaving a Legacy

I just finished an amazing book, London by Edward Rutherford. It's not for the faint of heart as it is 1124 pages long, but it got me thinking. The book chronicles the lives of just a few fictitious families from 54 b.c. to 1997, and shows how the families change along with the world.  (this is going to be a little less joyous than most of my posts.) In the grand scheme of things what are we all doing? We have no idea where we came from and (i can only speak for my generation) most of us have no idea where we are going to be in a week, let alone 5 years from now. For the most part no one makes any great contribution to society, we all operate within our own sphere of influence (and yes everything i am saying applies to myself as well). Over the course of time there have been inventions such as the wheel, steam engine, electricity, Steel, and the microchip. Great thinkers such as Aristotle, Jesus, Lewis and Tolkien. These are all people and objects from the past that will be remembered forever, but what are we all doing here? I'm not asking what our purpose in life is, but when we die, what will we be remembered for, if anything at all? Will we even leave behind anything of great significance? To be totally honest, I can't even tell you the names of my Great-Great Grandparents. It's somewhat depressing that this will be the case when I die as well. So what can we all do to leave a legacy? Help the environment? stop nuclear proliferation? Well I can't speak for anyone, but myself, but I hope that whatever legacy I leave is the one that not only lets me be remembered by my descendants and brings me happiness in life, but one that also is the most pleasing to God.

Starbucks and Schizophrenia

Free stuff. Who likes it besides me? oh. all of you, hmmm, that's weird I thought that as Americans we all enjoyed working hard and paying lots of money for everything we get. HAHAHAHHAHAHA, yeah I know you laughed too. But anyways I say this because today I got free Starbucks! It's never happened to me before and probably won't ever again, but anyways I was pretty excited and confused. Why did I get it for free? This is just a guess, but it was probably my ruggedly handsome features. (even though the barista was a man, as am I). Moving on from guys hitting on me by giving me free coffee, lets talk about something else. How about Multiple Personality disorder? Well I think that if I had that I would want one of my personalities to be a paranoid schizophrenic. Then that personality would be freaked out by the others. Then I'd have all them use different accents. Actually, I think I would have one personality be spy and the other be a brain surgeon. That way my spy personality would have tons of cash from the brain surgeon job. and then I could drive around in a brand new Aston Martin like James Bond (i'd probably talk in a scottish brogue like Sean Connery). Yep, that would be the life. Hmmm, should I continue on another train of thought or not? For some reason I feel like this post isn't up to snuff. odd expression. 'up to snuff' why is a popular idiom also a drug reference. Let me once again express my hatred of the English Language. Do you know what is really stupid? All through elementary school my teachers taught me that English is a Latin based language. Then I get to High School and learn that it's actually more Germanic than anything else. stupid. language. We should make up a universal language and all learn it...like Pig Latin. Atthay ouldway ebay away unfay anguagelay otay eakspay allway ethay imetay. Have fun with that one. Goodnight all.

Crazy Hair and Long Life

Today is a great day!!! yes that's right I finally did it. I survived this world for 227 months/990 weeks/6,935 days/166,459 hours/9,987,580 minutes/599,254,864 seconds. Yeah that's right, I'm pretty much a boss. So all I can say is that I hope the next 599,254,864 seconds are just as glorious as the first. So what should I talk about next? hmm, well lets talk about the fact that I just drank a very small cup of coffe and yet i'm still going to be up for the next 5 hours mumbling incoherently like a mindless zombie, and after tossing and turning in my bed for 4 out of those 5 hours my hair will contribute to the zombie look. Actually on second thought, my hair after a good nights rest looks more like the hair on the professor from back to the future. Yeah, I'm that cool. I have a theory that someday I'm going to marry a woman, and then one morning she's going to wake up look at the man with the crazy hair sleeping peacefully next to her and she will hit me in the head with a Louisville slugger. Yes my hair is that frightening. Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Why do I do anything? why do I breathe? well that ones actually pretty easy, I breathe because I can only last 2 minutes and 12 seconds without having to take a breath. (yeah I just timed it) i should really find a better way to spend my time. So I thought that I would end this post with a question. What should I write my next post over? Leave your suggestion in the comment box and I will use all of the comments in ONE post. Why? because i Have 227 months of experience to back it up!!!! alright Later!

Politically Correctness

In case you haven't already noticed, my posts aren't exactly copacetic if you catch my meaning. But try not to catch anything else, I hear that the flu is going around again. Hopefully we don't have a repeat of last year. Darn swine flu.  oops excuse me. I mean H1N1. I didn't mean to be offensive to pigs, this blog is nothing if not politically correct, but speaking of pigs, I saw an anti Obama Billboard the other day. Oh. sorry. Was that not pc? my bad. Moving on. Hmmm, well now i have lost my train of thought. That's kind of a weird expression. A train is really hard to stop (like the movie unstoppable, yeah i haven't seen it either), but it's really easy to forget what you're thinking about which I think is quite weird. As is the word weird. I before e except after c, and all that......I think I hate the English Language. so from now on i'll be writing this blog in the language of the eternally victorious France....okay I know, france has never won a battle since.....ever, but I just took a semester of it so i'm pretty much fluent. Donc, ce que nous allons parler maintenant est simple. L'utilisation de Google Translate pour aider à obtenir de bonnes notes de vos attributions français. In case you aren't as bilingual as i am here is the translation (So what we will talk about next is simple. The usage of google translate to help get good grades on your french assignments.) And I refuse to call that cheating, it is an effective usage of resources. A resource that I am lacking right now is sleep so I think that i'm going to hit the sack, saw a log, and all other manner of contrite colloquialisms.